Dance of the Diaper
by Epic Awaken
Summary: AU. Directly following "Do or Diaper." When Margaret sends out an ultimatum stating they need to have a "talk" about their status following his pucker-powered stunt, Mordecai is faced with the horrible realization that his dreams may be soon lost forever. With less than a week until this next "date," it's time for some soul-searching as he looks to lose the "kid" and find her "man.


******MUSH-WARNING!******

The following story is about passionate love, and thus contains a lot of "mush." Haters of heartfelt moments be warned...

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**Dance of the Diaper**

by Epic Awaken

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_The following is a story about learning to fly, and how achieving such bliss means first learning...how to take that first big leap._

**Location: **City. AU _Regular Show_

**Time:** The week immediately following the events of "_Do or Diaper_," when Margaret returns from the weekend with her parents.

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**Dance of the Diaper**

Chapter 1: A Mortified Monday

"Psh...Let's be honest, today was ashamed that it even happened." - Mordecai

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A sudden cotton-ball of sorts became lodged in the blue jay's throat, pressing out the moisture and forming a seal that kept his beaked-jaws shut.

"Well come on, are you coming?" his furry companion called, staring at him from the edge of the sidewalk.

It was a warm, summer afternoon, just like any other, but because of what had happened only three days ago, things just didn't feel the same. An eerie sensation hit the blue jay as the sun-streaked windows of the building at the other side of the road shined back at him, an impenetrable set of walls with the rims hidden beneath the shade of an outstretched awning. _"Is she looking at me?" _he thought.

"Dude," Rigby uttered, his brow falling low within the presence of a scowl.

Several thick beads of sweat ran down the blue jay's aqua-colored crown. "I can't go in there," Mordecai said, wide-eyes locked and wings held straight.

Rigby's mouth fell open. "What!? Why not!?" he asked, moving several steps closer.

Mordecai stood firm on the far end of the park's lawn.

"Dude, she already knows about the diaper! She put you in it!" Rigby let out, throwing both arms into the air. "Practically... And besides, weren't you all hyped-up and giddy about the situation just a little bit ago?" he asked, snapping and pointing to his aqua-feathered friend.

Mordecai's own brow fell as his eyes rolled over to him. "Well, yeah, bro... I mean, she obviously had a good time on our '_date_,'" he said, rolling his eyes once more, "and she obviously didn't reject the idea of me liking her or anything..." The ball of cotton in Mordecai's throat returned just then, and he swallowed hard, launching out both wings. "But that doesn't mean I'm ready to deal with her yet! I mean, she threw me under the bus! Maybe it was in a playful way...but...there goes all of my romantic-_sneak_! You know!?"

Rigby blinked back at him with a dazed expression.

Holding both wings up in front of his beak, Mordecai went on, "And now she knows for sure that I like her, so that's going to be the first thing on her mind when she sees me again..."

"Riiight... And the problem here is?" Rigby mumbled, lowering his eyelids and folding both arms.

"What if she doesn't like me back!? What if it's all just shattered and ruined and I have to stand by picking up the pieces!?" A frown spread over Mordecai's face as he laid his right hand over his heart and looked off across the road.

"Then you pick up the pieces and move on! Sheesh!" Rigby said, throwing both arms up before crossing them again. "At least you'll know where you both stand!"

"But my romantic-sneak, Rigby!" Mordecai shot back, shaking his fists in the air. "It was the only way to assure that I won her heart and did things right!" His head sank low as both eyes closed. "And now it's gone."

"That 'romantic-sneak' was going to keep you from ever dating her at all, bro." Rigby uttered, glazed expression present. "You can't keep hoping for the right moment to just happen! You've got to go with that feeling on the inside! Feel it from the heart, man!" he said, punching his chest. "Just...the next time you're with her and you feel like kissing her, don't think about it, just, do it!"

Shimmering eyes gazed across the street to the dark, cup-shaped sign. "But I _always_ feel like kissing her..."

"Awe," Rigby said, breaking a smile at last. "Now, see? That's what you've got to say to her, and not just say, but _do_ it!" he let out, snapping to point at his friend once more before running his right fist through the air. Rigby rushed up and began to shove his friend over the road. "I'll help ya, buddy."

"No! Ah! But, wait! What about- ...What about...bad breath! Huh, man!? What if we're not ready for that! I mean, she dodged it!" The heels of his feet locked down against the pavement, but Mordecai's terror-stricken face still drew closer to the Coffee Shop with each new step from his friend, Rigby. "No, wait!" he screamed, waving both wings out in front. "Oh jeez! I can't do it! I can't do it! I can't...I...I..." Both eyes opened up as Mordecai felt the door fly open in front and his feet hit the familiar tiled floor. His gaze was soon met, not an inch away, by her own. _"Margaret!"_

Twin lashes fell as her eyes narrowed. "Hello there, 'Diaper Boy," she whispered.

Blinking suddenly, Mordecai's head snapped down. "Oh, no, Dude! I'm still wearing this!?" he said, putting both wings on his scalp.

"And don't you forget it!" a deep, gargled voice uttered.

Mordecai's eyes dashed up just in time to view Muscle Man grin on a wooden stool a few feet away and shove a heap of cream pie into his mouth. The blue jay's wingtips curled inward as white teeth formed a snarl. "Rigby! What the 'H' are you doing dragging me in here like this!? I can't be seen like this!"

Rigby was leaning away from his friend, eyes held wide. Suddenly, however, his back straightened once more and his eyelids fell low. "Okay, seriously. You just spent over eight hours running around in that thing on the park front lawn in plain sight. Who the 'H' is gonna' give a 'D' now!?"

Glaring, Mordecai locked into Rigby's gaze, a cold tension between them. His eyes popped open, though, at the faint sound of a female clearing her throat. Mordecai blinked, three beads of sweat falling free from his brow, lower jaw dropping down. Thump, his heart went, knocking, pounding, slapping the inside of his chest as he cracked his spine to turn around, inch by shivering inch. Finally, he saw her again.

"Um, Mordecai," she began, clothed in her familiar, cream-colored work uniform, "I really have to go." Her eyes danced to the side, then snapped back with a smile. "But...uh... You two can stay here for awhile. It's still a bit early for 'bed-time,'" she giggled, covering her beak with her right wing.

Mordecai's jaw lowered further, his own two wings falling straight, as he slumped over and watched the scarlet robin dance out the door.

Rigby blinked repeatedly. "Wow... '_bed_-time'! Never saw that coming!" he said, cracking a grin. "But boy she got you good!" he laughed, elbowing his feathered companion in the ribs. Rigby scurried past him and leapt up onto the stool beside Muscle Man. "Now-"

"Mmmmm," Mordecai began to hum, eyes glittering with moisture, "Margaret!" he gasped, shuddering and placing both hands upon the door. Rain began to run down the outside glass as he watched her figure grow distant and fuzzy through the water and his own sharp tears. Huffing in between sobs, the blue jay slowly sank to the floor. "Mar-har-greeeeeeeet..."

"Dude, are you okay?" Rigby uttered, raising an eyebrow with his elbow and back to the table he was at. "It's not like she said she hates you...and where's Eileen at!? I'm totally dyin' over here from a hunger!" he called, spinning around and pounding the counter, "...a hunger...for...piiiieeee!"

"Bro, I can't believe you're actually lying there on the floor in a diaper, crying. I mean, this is embarrassing for _me_, and I'm the one who put you in that thing, man!" Muscle Man said, taking a swig of coffee from a white mug.

Sniffling several more times, Mordecai wiped both eyes and rose to his feet. "You don't understand, you guys. Margaret...Margaret..." he began, squinting back more tears as he looked off into the ceiling with a raised right fist.

"Has you wrapped around her finger like a deranged and lonely little puppy," Rigby said, lowering his eyelids and crossing his arms. He suddenly jumped up onto his stool and threw both hands down. "Now, where is Eileen!? I want my freaking pie!" he yelled, right eye twitching.

"No! That's it!" Mordecai shot back, pointing over to them both. "It's just a joke! That's the only thing that it's ever been to you is a joke! Muscle Man, you're a jerk, but I can't really fault you for that because that's who you are...But you, Rigby! I thought we were friends!"

"We are friends!" Rigby said, jumping back around with outstretched arms. "Hey, I even brought you here!"

"In a diaper!" Mordecai let out, shaking both fists above his head.

"Well maybe if you knew how to man-up and kiss her you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place, now, would you!?" Rigby answered, putting both hands on his hips.

Mordecai's jaw fell down again.

"You big _baby_! That diaper actually suits you now that I think about it! ...And you wonder why you guys aren't dating..." Rigby said, crossing his arms and looking away.

Mordecai's beak drooped even more, and he stood there, silently.

Rigby slowly turned back.

As his mouth finally reeled in, the blue jay's brow hardened and fell. "I'm...going," he said, balling both fists and stepping out through the door. "Goodbye... 'Rotten Friend.'"

Muscle Man mirrored Rigby's expression, staring blankly with his back to the table. They watched in silence as the door slowly swung shut. "Wow, bro... You really got him. That was awful!" he laughed, turning back to his meal. "...A little harsh... but you totally owned him there!"

Rigby continued to stare, his shoulders sinking down. "Yeah," he sighed, "Whatever." His eyes perked up again as Eileen reopened the door. "Eileen! Where the heck have you been!?" he grinned. Inching his gaze back over to Muscle Man, the raccoon flashed a snarl. "I'm hungry for _pie_!" he mumbled.

"Oh, I was just out washing the front of the Coffee Shop with the hose. It's been...getting a little grimy..." she said, squinting uneasily. She was dressed in the same uniform as Margaret, with the same side-ponytail she always wore. "By the way, what's up with Mordecai, Rigby, he seemed...kind of depressed..."

"Huh?" Rigby blinked. He quickly waved the comment off. "Oh, don't worry about him. He's just in the same old funk as always...uh...well...as he usually is...I mean...he did lose the uh...who knows..." he answered, rolling both eyes and laughing. "Crazy guy..."

Eileen made her way around the counter. "Margaret told me about the bet you guys made. That's not exactly a good way to win a girl over."

Rigby turned back towards her with a scowl. "Yeah, well, what else were we supposed to do? The guy's a total wuss when it comes to dealing with her! If we hadn't stepped in when we did, they'd never have had a chance of getting together!"

"Well it's not like they're dating now, right?" Eileen replied.

"No," Rigby mumbled, briefly looking away. "Can I just have my pie now!?" he said, pounding the table. "I have low blood-sugar!"

"No you don't, man!" Muscle Man cut in, pointing at him.

"How do you know!? You don't know! You don't know what it's like to be me! To feel the things that my insides tell me!" Rigby shot back shaking curved paws in the air.

Eileen and Muscle Man both stared at Rigby as Eileen placed a fresh slice of coconut cream pie down on the counter. "Well, maybe you should think of Mordecai like that then the next time you try and interfere with his relationship with Margaret," Eileen said.

Rigby narrowed his eyes at her and sat down, taking a swig of coffee from the mug Eileen had just put before him. "Yeah...maybe."

"I know she really likes him...but you have to let them find the way. If you don't, there's a chance it just won't happen," Eileen went on.

"Yeah, but Mordecai didn't even have the guts to tell her he liked her until just the other day! How do you think he'll ever find the guts to actually _kiss_ her!?" Muscle Man chuckled.

"Hey, he still told her!" Eileen shot back, frowning and folding both arms. She smiled and looked back to Rigby. "If a guy really likes someone...he'll find a way to let her know...That's the way it is...for girls, too! And the way those two have been going around each other, something's bound to happen...and I think for someone like Mordecai, it'll be big when he finally let's go."

Rigby's face was blank.

"Don't you think, Rigby?" Eileen asked.

"How in the world did you get so smart?" Rigby said flatly, fixed on her stare.

Eileen blushed and briefly looked away. "Oh!...I dunno...I just...read good books I guess..." she uttered, batting her eyes twice at him.

Muscle Man looked between the two several times and began to chuckle. "Ah...Oh! Haha- Oof!" he gasped, spitting out a chunk of pie as Rigby punched him in the gut.

"Radical," Rigby uttered, smiling and taking another sip of coffee.

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Mordecai sighed and continued on up the stairs of his home, dragging both feet behind him. The sun was getting low and so were his spirits. "Man, I feel totally bummed right now. I don't think there's a thing in the world that could make today get any worse." His lazy eyes suddenly opened as he pulled up his vibrating black cell phone. "Huh!?" The lids of his eyes slowly sank back. "Oh great, it's probably Rigby...calling to harass me for being a 'cry baby' or something." His entire body suddenly shot straight. "Margaret!? What the heck!?" he yelled, running for the porch. Mordecai raced into the home and slammed the door shut, leaning against it as his wingtip hit 'play' on the message.

"_Um... Hey, Mordecai. It's Margaret. So, look...I guess I feel a little guilty for the way that things will be going for you this week...but...I think, either way...we need to talk. I have classes all week again, but if you wanna' meet up this Friday or something that'd be...pretty fine with me. Just don't bring those guys along again or I'll kill you, okay? We need to...umm...We need to get some things straight. Okay? Let me know. Take care. Bye."_

The phone began to shake within Mordecai's two wings as he held it out in front. "Oh, maaannn..." he uttered, cringing. His eyes began to sting. "Nooo..."

"Mordecai!" Rigby's voice called. He threw open the door, sending his blue-feathered friend flying through the house and crashing into the coffee table in front of the living room sofa.

"Ah! Dang-it, Dude!" Mordecai said, lifting his head from the floor and rubbing it with his right wing. His stomach was on the tabletop, butt stuck in the air. "What do you want?" he asked, glaring at him.

"I know...what it's like," Rigby uttered, holding both hands up in front of his face and staring wide-eyed off into space.

"Know what _what's_ like, mocking your friend when his love life is in shreds?" Mordecai frowned.

Rigby frowned as well. "Awe, no man...I'm not happy about that. I'm happy about how I finally know what it's like...to...to..." he began, a grin expanding across his face, "to..."

"Just say it already, you weirdo!" Mordecai let out.

"...to...to...to _like_ someone!" Rigby gasped, smiling into the distance of space once more.

"Woah-ho-hooo...What?" Mordecai chuckled, rising to stand at last. "Who?"

"Who do you think, you genius!?" Rigby snapped, curling his paws back and snarling. He suddenly stopped and blinked, face going flat. "Woah..."

Mordecai mirrored his expression, then laughed again. "Awe-haw-hawww...It's Eileen, isn't it?" His eyes shot wide as Rigby rushed up and tackled him onto the couch, putting his hands to his beak.

"You can't tell! You can't _tell_!" Rigby yelled, twitching as he held Mordecai's mouth shut.

Thrashing about, Mordecai quickly kicked Rigby off and sent him hurtling into the wall. "Chill-out, you freak! I'm not like you," he said, standing up from the couch and brushing the dust off, "I won't throw my two-sense in at the risk of jeopardizing a great relationship." With a sigh, Mordecai looked to the ground.

Rigby slid down against the wall beside the TV and wiped his forehead with the back of his right paw. "Whew! Good. 'Cause...I gotta' say man, I'm not even sure if you can really say that I know what I'm doing in here yet," he said, punching his chest. "I guess I just realized today that I really like talking to her and...that she's sort of funny...and smart...and...well...not that bad looking either," he trailed off, scratching the back of his head with a smile.

"Awe," Mordecai smiled. His face quickly fell back into a frown. "Well, why don't you guys try to work it out together then and leave me and my dumb, old, boring, lonely, messed-up, pathetic and undeserving life out of it, then." He swallowed hard, picking the cell phone off of the floor.

"Awe, dude," Rigby frowned, walking up and hopping onto the couch beside him. "You're not still mad about the Coffee Shop thing today, are ya?"

"Yes, I'm still mad," Mordecai said, glaring briefly. He then looked back to the phone. "...but...I'm mad at myself now more than anything."

"Why the heck is that?" Rigby asked, raising an eyebrow.

With a sigh, Mordecai replied, "You were right about the diaper today. I am a big baby. I do deserve to wear it." His back sank into the couch as Mordecai slumped over. "When I first met Margaret, I was alright...I was cool...I was... "somebody" ...but now she knows that I just have a dumb art-school degree, that I don't even use because I work as a groundskeeper in a lame old park, that I'm not some well-accomplished, suave, mature, cool guy, but that I'm a loser who doesn't even have his own house or car!" Mordecai sat up and grabbed Rigby by the shoulders. "...Who can't even go on a date without losing himself and freaking-out over one simple _kiss_! But I freak-out because...because...because..."

Rigby, breathing heavily, gazed into his friends eyes, twitching slightly. "Becaaauuussse?"

"Because I'll never meet another girl like her in my entire life!" Mordecai let out, dropping Rigby back down and hugging himself tight. "I...l...lll..._love_ her, man."

"Woaaah..." Rigby whispered. "You- ...Oh, I mean... Your call if you wanna' tell her!" he laughed, nervously rubbing the back of his head, "But...you probably...probably should..."

"Yeah," Mordecai sighed, frowning, "I know I should. You know, I've liked a few girls in my life, but...with Margaret I can tell...she's special. Which is why I freak-out so much when I'm around her all the time." He gazed into space. "It's like...if I blow it, I know I'll probably lose her forever, but...I think by going around it so much, I might have only made things worse."

"_You think!?" _Rigby's mind uttered. Remembering Eileen's words, though, he kept his mouth shut.

"She left me a message," Mordecai said, holding up his cell phone. "She said she wants to talk, and I think it's about what happened last week!" Closing his eyes for a moment, the blue jay shook his head. "I just know it's about us and how she's fed-up with how I've been acting. I think she's going to tell me that I need to lay off or something...that we should only be friends! Anyway, I know it's not going to be a movie and I'm glad because I really do wanna' just talk to her...but I'm kind of scared because I think that's all it's gonna' be about...her...telling me that _we_ can't "_be_.""

Rigby's mouth fell open as he watched his friend's head fall, accompanied by a lone, shining teardrop. "Awe, man," he frowned, "I never knew it meant this much to you! Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, hopping to stand and put a paw on his friend's shoulder.

"Would you have listened?" Mordecai smiled weakly. "Besides...it's...kind of a feeling...something you have to realize...it...can't...can't easily be put into words."

"Right," Rigby said, slowly shaking his head and looking down.

"Anyway," Mordecai sighed, "It's probably going to be a tough week for me, man, because now Margaret's just confirmed that she'll be busy every evening until Friday, and that we've obviously got something important to discuss...I just...can't risk this mess hitting the fan again while we're both at work! I'm... gonna' have to avoid the Coffee Shop for a little while." With that, Mordecai got up and made way for the stairs.

Rigby looked over and put his hands upon the back of the couch, watching his friend leave the room. "You mean?"

"That's right," Mordecai replied, turning his head back towards him with narrowing eyes, "I'm..._bringing_ my lunch."

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_**Only 4 days to go until that 'talk,' Mordecai! ...And how in the world will you stay away from the Coffee Shop all that time!? Good luck, dude! It's gonna' be one H of a week!**_

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**Feel Free to Message me with all of your Comments, Questions, Suggestions, or Concerns via PM or my email!**

**STAY TUNED for Chapter 2: Tough Talk'n Tuesday****...Coming SOON! ****_(Progress Updates on my profile!)_**


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